Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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