walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
