I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
