Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
