On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
