Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize