ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
