Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Less talking, more tequila
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
