Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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