Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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