Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
