Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
