so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
