Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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