Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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