I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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