i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drunk is not a location!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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