I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
