I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
