my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
