I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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