You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
