Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
