is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
