Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Duck Duck Cougar?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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