My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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