First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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