is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
