____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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