I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
