So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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