I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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