I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
