i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
