Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
