I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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