Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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