I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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