the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
