you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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