Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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