oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
