you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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