it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
