Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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