hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
