Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
