I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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