My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
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OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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