Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
