there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
