I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
