But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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