NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
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Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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