the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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