Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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