Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
