bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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