I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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