How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
