Barsexuality is the new black.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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