We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
