I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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