He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
