This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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