hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
