I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
